How To Place An Order or Contact Me
Don't email just yet... READ this page first.
I like e-mail. It's fast and it works. If I don't get back to you in a day, I'm on vacation or dead. Let's hope it's the former. If by chance you don't hear back from me, don't despair, just send another e-mail. I can get swamped and I'm a one-man show, so bear with me.
Do NOT ask if I have a picture of... If it is not on the this site (or the FakeBook page), then I don't. I do not have a secret stash of photo's of all the stuff I have made. Most of the time, I forget to take a picture before it leaves the shop as I am in a hurry to get to the next project. You may see some pictures on Facebook (I hate social media, but just like a colonoscopy, it is sometimes necessary. Still a pain in the arse none the less). I personally wouldn't trust someone with just a FakeBook page... but I'm a crotchety old cuss.
MAKE SURE YOUR RETURN EMAIL IS CORRECT! I GET QUESTIONS FROM FOLKS WITH YAHOO ACCOUNTS, AND WHEN I REPLY, THE EMAIL BOUNCES BACK AS "Undeliverable."
Let me know what it is you are looking at and what your needs are. We can work it out in e-mail.
NOTE: TO MANUFACTURERS WHO WANT TO MAKE STUFF FOR ME. NO!!!
PHONE: Don't call. Just don't. If you do call, I will keep your number and call you later trying to sell you an extended warranty on your car, health insurance, and the front page of Google for your website. This is why my business doesn't have a phone. How did you get my number anyway?
PayPal. If you use PayPal make damn sure that your shipping address is correct. If you order using PayPal, and then send an email asking me to ship it to a different address, there is a 99% chance that it will be shipped to your PayPal address anyway. Even bombarding me with emails requesting a different shipping address will not help... much. I'm old. I'm senile, and I'm stuck in my ways. Actually, I use PayPal shipping. I hate shipping. I really hate it and so have tried to simplify the process as much as possible. I also use PayPal to make sure I get your order out. When you want to ship to another address, I then have to type your address into the computer, and hope my old eyes can read it correctly, then hope my fat fingers don't hit the wrong keys. You are really asking for trouble. I don't trust me to do it, and so you shouldn't either. So, PLEASE make sure your shipping address is correct when you order.
Currently I am accepting very few orders as I have been working 100 plus hours per week on an ambulance. If I do accept your order, it may take several months to complete.
Do kindly read the Colors page as well.
OK. Now, by emailing me you are acknowledging that you have read all the above and understand it.
When we have worked out what it is exactly that you want, I will put it in my web store and send you a link. There will only be a description there and no picture. I don't have a time machine to go forward in time and show you what I made for you before you pay for it, and I will not start work before payment. When you get the link, click on it, go to the web store, add it to your cart and checkout with PayPal or a credit card, THEN I will start on your project. OK, now to the email: email@example.com
DO NOT keep sending new emails as we have a conversation about your needs/wants. Please use the REPLY so that the conversation is easily read again in one place.
If you send something for a pouch or sheath, print out the email or include it in the box exactly what you want made. I often get boxes with no name on them, and then I am supposed to go back through all of last months e-mails trying to figure out who sent it. I have A LOT of customers and am filling several orders per week. If I have to spend an hour figuring out who sent something and what they want, you will be charged a $50 surcharge for wasting my time.
DO NOT ship something to me requiring a signature... the odds of me actually being around and answering the door are about as good as me winning the Iron Man competition... I then have to drive to the UPS hub or the Post Office... either of which puts me in a horrible mood, will result in me cussing you out during the 30-45 minute trip, contemplating not even bother picking it up, and charging you $75 for wasting my gas and my time. If you are worried about it not getting here, insure it.
For those who want to "optimize" my web sight so I can be first on Google or whatever, please use this email address: firstname.lastname@example.org
I have listed, and will keep listing these folks emails on the bottom of this page who didn't bother to read this.
Oh, and if you send something to have me make a pouch or sheath for, then contact me two days after it arrives asking how the progress is going, I will put you on my shit list. I'm not Amazon for crying out loud. If you have the patience of a gnat, this isn't for you. I think 1-2 weeks is pretty fast for something to be custom made, if you don't, find another maker... and good luck getting it from them in 3-6 months.
How to Pay
I accept all major credit cards and PayPal.
Personal checks are also accepted, but must clear before I start work.
Deposit before work begins...
No. I typically do not take a deposit before I start working on your custom goods. You pay up front. All of it.
Why? Well, when someone gives a 50% deposit on a baby blue holster with the initials A.S.S. stamped into it with hearts and butterflies, well, it's darn hard to sell if they decide not to take delivery and pay the remaining 50%.
P.S. Anybody looking to buy a baby blue holster with some interesting stamping?
How Your Custom Goods Ship... i.e. "Packaging"
It will most likely be in a cheap plastic bag or wrapped in black shrink-wrap then put in a USPS Priority mail box or envelope. If i remember, I might throw a business card in there. I spend nothing on packaging and pass that savings on to you. You are not ordering nice packaging from me. Sure, I could charge more then ship it in some nice bag, but that isn't why you are ordering from me. My ex-wife came in nice packaging but what was inside was in no way a quality item. It's what's inside that counts.
If you do not request insurance, the package will not be shipped with any. This is the same when shipping a knife or multi-tool or whatever back to you with the holster. You understand that I have no control once it is in the hands of the post office and I am not responsible for lost or damaged goods. As of yet, this hasn't been a problem, but there is always that first time... well, there was a a first time. An expensive light and holster when being shipped to a customer had the box arrive empty looking like Rosie O'Donnell had sat on it and gyrated on it for several hours. Remember, if you don't ask for insurance, YOU are responsible for Rosie O'Donnell mishaps.
Before you ship something to me.
Before you ship something to me for a pouch or sheath, ask yourself this question: "Am I stupid?" If you are not sure, ask friends and family. If the answer is "yes, I am stupid", please have someone else ship the item to me. Make sure they enclose your name, your return address, and just what it is you want made, as only an idiot is going to ship something without this included in the box. When this happens, I have to spend a lot of time trying to figure out what dumb ass sent it, what they want me to do with it, and all this time is going to be charged at $50 an hour to the fineal price of whatever I make. Life is hard. It is harder when you are stupid.
Where is your address and can I visit your shop? No.
About those illiterate or just plain stupid folks who send me emails about "optimizing" my web site. Piss off.
I would be very careful about using these people below for your web site.
You see, they can't read. Having someone illiterate work on your web page is probably not a smart thing to do.
This list is all those who have emailed me wanting to make me #1 on Google or whatever, even though I have a different contact email for that... that they didn't bother to use.
Yes, these folks are dumb.
They should be charged with "Breathing with intent to live."
I just started this... let's see it grow with the stupid among us.
Why is this here on my page? So the robots that search for email address will find these folks, and send them unsolicited emails. Why is the list here? So the robots will get their email addresses as well.